122# Hysteria

Updated: Dec 10, 2020


“I feel my heart implode...

And I'm breaking out. Escaping now

Feeling my faith erode 𝅘𝅥𝅮 ♫♫- Hysteria, MUSE




She didn't finish her plate. My tongue slashed her sensitivity again. Lacking the words, I insisted on settling the bill in an attempt to make it up. We walked back to her house, on that sad wednesday evening and exchanged a shy goodbye hug. Karleen stood proud and hurt. She kept silent as tears filled her eyes. It was her birthday. I dropped a kiss on her forehead and walked away.


Karleen left for Puerto Escondido the next day. She had a workshop and wanted to buy a surf board. Meanwhile I stayed in Zipolite, in bed with the flu for a week. The sooner I could walk I wiped out on a wave and almost broke my neck. Another week in bed. I needed her help, but I was too ashamed to call.


Karleen had feelings for me. It was the reason she took my stupid comment to heart. It was the reason she wanted to share her past secrets and traumas. It was the reason she cancelled the threesome... Love. Being stuck in bed for two weeks me realize how much I missed her. Water passed under the bridge. I texted her.


She was in the mountains. Her yoga school had a camp where she invited me for the weekend. Excited, I packed and jumped on the long bus ride north. The road was perilous. Heavy rains had knocked down big chunks of concrete from the road and washed the debris away. A thick fog crawled out from the trees and blinded the view. That was a game for the driver. He pierced through the fog and swung around the white line like a slalom skier going for the world record. I closed my eyes and prayed.


“It is our duty to fix our mistakes once we’re aware of them” Ari said. His words echoed in the back of my mind. Karleen had taken off her mask and told me she loved me. And I tossed her feelings like a cigarette butt. I was wrong but ready to redeem myself, to be kind and think of someone else for once. Karleen deserved a genuine apology.


The bus dropped me in the late afternoon, 15km away from the camp. I stretched my right thumb up and waited. An hour later, a cab dropped me in front of the camp. The Fog seemed to steam from the trees, giving the place an enchanted feel. Purple flowers and wandering horses adorned the path. I found Karleen in the common room, reading at the end of a long table. She lifted her eyes and smiled.


- I didn’t expect you to find me on your own

- It was a long way… it’s good to see you.

- Good to see you too. Let’s go, I’ll show you our room.


The room smelled of pine. There were six beds in the cabin, plenty of wood and a firepit in the corner. I dropped my bag and started making a fire. Karleen boiled up water for tea. We sat on the sheepskin and watched the flames dance. Our cups steamed in the cold air.

- What have you been up to lately?

- Oh my! It was super busy with the school, moving around a lot

- Nice! Where did you go?

- First to Puerto, we had a workshop there.

- Oh cool! Did you find a board?

- Yeah, look


She pulled out her phone and showed me her new board, a wide blue mini malibu with an eagle painted on it.

- It’s pretty! And perfect for you. You’ll catch a lot of waves with it.

- Yeah, I’m happy.

- How did you find it?

- You remember Kyle? The German guy we met in Chacahua

- Yeah the longboarder. He lives in la Punta right?

- Yes, he helped me buy it.

- He gave you good advice.


I flipped the logs and put another one at the back.

- How long did you stay in Puerto?

- I went on Tuesday after my birthday and came back Sunday. Four days.

- How was the workshop?

- Super intense, I was dead on Friday eve.

- Did you go out in Puerto? La Punta gets crazy on weekends

- Yes, on Saturday.

- Haha nice! Where did you go?

- We started at Kyle’s place. I got super drunk on Mezcal haha

- Brrrrrr just the name gives me shivers haha


Karleen poked at the fire. One log cracked open.

- Where did you go after?

- We went to a rave party on the beach, Kyle knew the DJ.

- I’ve been to one last year, the Portex they call it.

- Yeah it was wild. The music was really good though.

- Haha I guess it wasn’t reggaeton

- Haha not this time. It was old school electro. I danced all night.

- Wow! That’s not really like you.

- Yeaaaah... I took MDMA.

- That explains it! I didn’t know you did hard drugs

- I didn’t look for it. Kyle had some, I was drunk already.

- Ooookaaaay…


I added a log into the fire.

- So, how did it go?

- It was... strange

- I wanna know !!! What happened?

- We stayed at the party until sunrise. Kyle hooked up with an Argentinian Girl.

- Good for him. And then?

- They asked me to go home with them.

- And then?

- We went home together

- Okaaaay? And?

- We had a threesome.


A needle went up my chest. My mouth twisted open. I couldn't talk. I couldn't breathe.

-...hh. ....hhh ....

- You okay?

- Ahaha… ahaaha… ahaaaha.

- RAZ ARE YOU OKAY !!???

- AHA AHA AHA AHA AHAHAHA…AHAHAHA…AHAHAHA AHAHAHA AHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAH



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